I want to go play guitar on a beach in Hawaii for two months and not tell anyone where I am. Most of all I am lonely. Because I have nobody to talk to about this. Day job, night side hustle, raising money, TM twice daily, two kids, single Dad, girlfriend who doesn't feel like a priority. I feel like I am hurting people around me because I cannot give anyone my best. My daughters get my best, but my team, my advisors, co-founder, girlfriend, employees, family, friends, bandmates....I feel like I am failing all of them because they all deserve more of me. I just spent the last ten days very sick with diverticulitis. Late night trips to the ER. On top of all that stuff I am moving in two weeks and I think my body finally gave out. But there is nobody I can discuss it with, nor do I feel like I have the time. Its so lonely to come in everyday responsible for millions in revenue, a sale steam of 25, and all that entails, then go home, assist with homework, make dinner, put kids to bed and then at 9:30pm open up the laptop to "work on my deck" which I put in quotes because I don't have the mental or creative bandwidth to open a jar of peanut butter never mind find the holes in a deck I have look at 10,000 times. Yeah so I have often been asking myself, "WhyTF am I doing this?" "Just crush your days and enjoy your nights"...Its probably the lowest of the low I have felt in years. When I get like this I wait for the bounce back, but because I had to miss time being in the hospital I feel guilty taking any time off to do little things that would help (hike,massage,nature walk) I also need to move my family in 2 weeks. So its like an elephant is stepping on me but l don't have the energy to tickle his foot to get him to release me.