You’re probably not going to want to read this message because there’s hard truth in it, it’s the message you should read though. Marriage is hard. It’s not all bliss. There are times when divorce is ideal but those situations are rare.

Marriage was once truly until death did you part, today we are more liberal about marriage and divorce is easy to get done. No real stigma, no lasting stigma at least, no familial pressure. Wives today are just girlfriends who are expensive to break up with.

I’ve been married for 12 years. It’s been great but it has not been without its very rough spots. Rough spots are in our future. Unless she tried to kill you or straight up cucks you, most of what you have to do is suck it up, work it out. Spoiler alert. You’re going to fuck up. Keep trying.

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain and the discouragement in your words. It seems like you are digging deep to find resolution to this situation.

My son is your age and one of his friends went through a similar situation. I spent a lot of time talking it through with him. So, I feel like I know where you are coming from to some degree.

It sounds like two things need to happen:

As for you. You need to forgive yourself. Right, wrong, or indifferent, you made your choice to be with an old girlfriend based on the information you were given at the time. You realized after the fact, it was a mistake for YOU based on your feelings for her. Notice, you didn't say you felt like you cheated on her. At that moment, you trusted her words in that, you were in the friend zone. It sounds like your guilt stems from betraying your own heart by sleeping with someone while you were in love with somewhere else. That guilt was later compounded by the fact that you now realize how much pain your mistake caused her, and the affect it has had on your marriage. You learned several valuable lessons. Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, that one act does not define you or the man you are. The definition of the man you are comes after the mistake you made, which is: 1. how you dealt with it, 2. what you learned from it, and 3. how you apply it to the rest of your life. It is also important to note that when faced with the question, you owned it. You should be proud of yourself for your openness and honesty.

As for her. Her issues are rooted much deeper than that one act. Granted, what you did, didn't earn you any gold stars, but that is not the root problem. It is the problem that revealed the issues she has been suffering through. She needs your compassion, support, and help right now. Don't join her in the fights. Take a deep breath and try to de-escalate the situation, do not add to it.

My grandmother said true love doesn't die, but it does change and shifts as you get older. The hope is when you get to the other side of this, your love will be deeper.

My suggestion is to tie a knot and hang on a little longer. She needs to find a counselor to help her with her childhood abandonment and trust issues. Couples counseling would help too. Another suggestion would be to find an older couple that you both admire and trust. Maybe they can help mentor you as a couple. Sometimes we see happy couples that have been married 30+ years and think they have always been that way. Guaranteed they have been through some serous trials too that always broke their marriage.

Please remember she, nor your relationship, got this way overnight so, it will not be fixed over night either. Re-evaluate where you are in a few months.

Good luck!

Look the fact is unstable marriages occur, and these issues are part of marriage life. Nobody is happily married ever after. Do not get depressed. When a relationship grows and strengthens, the emotional maturity of both parties regarding that relationship also grows and strengthens. In the beginning of any human-to-human relationship, there is a high level of unbalance, where each person is trying to find their footing. When a relationship is more solidified, and both parties are more emotionally mature in that relationship, their sense of self does shift. It grows through shared experiences, communication, respect, and other relationships things that happen over the general course of a relationship. Activating that selflessness that is a necessary component in successful relationships sometimes involves giving things up, pieces of our sense of self to accommodate the growth in our relationship. That things were good. When God is in the center of any relationship, both parties feel fulfilled, not because it’s a perfect fit, but because God fills in all the gaps where the puzzle pieces don’t quite come together, so in a way, a marriage with God in the center has a huge advantage over other marriages, but it doesn’t mean that things won’t work with these other marriages, it just means that things will most likely be much, much harder and more work over the course of the relationship.
You can read more here: https://theartofsimple.net/will-we-ever-see-eye-to-eye/
Besides if you do have any questions give me a call: https://clarity.fm/joy-brotonath

Marriage is a big thing friend. For your question on at what point in a marriage should you jump ship, the answer is only when the abuse becomes physical. This means that harm or even death can come in at that point. But apart from this, at no point in life should you leave your spouse. Marriage is like a mansion, it takes a long time to construct. If you decide to opt out at this point, you will start the building with a new woman meaning you have wasted the 5 years that you have known her.
People erroneously believe that marriage is always all bliss and that the fighting is always short term. This is not the case most times as mood swings and unhappiness can last for years in a relationship. Even at that, the love will prevail at the end. Marriage is not happiness, it is the greatest job that you can ever take on. Marriage is time consuming and emotionally tasking. So you might say why do I have to do this then-for the future when you are old. If you go for another woman, she will still develop the same kind of problem that you think this one has so it is not worth it. And like they say, you never have a better marriage than the first one. The sex and every "head in the cloud" emotion is beginning to dissipate and reality is starting to set in. She's just going through bad times because of her lost loved ones and her new status as being married because contrary to all opinions, marriage actually does restrict human freedom. Stay with her and help her get through this rough times, it might be for three or four years but your relationship will come out stronger on the other side and you would be glad you did. Call me if you have any more questions and I say to you: Welcome to Manhood.

You hit the nail on the head.
It does sound like she's projecting an abandonment wound.
Basically, anything that she or her intuition picks up that looks, smells or walks like abandonment, even just talk suggesting someone might leave her, most likely gets her on her toes. For the record, this is a completely normal human response to having dealt with abandonment especially in early childhood. The mind simply creates a protective addition around being abandoned to protect the person from being abandoned in the future. People who have this wound can also have a problem with commitment, because once there is commitment, there really is the possibility of loss. I would not jump off the train for something as mediocre as this. All she needs is to be reassured and assured that you love her and that you will not abandon her. On the other hand, if you do not really love her and are willing to abandon her, then she has a valid reason to feel the way she does. Sit down, be a man and embrace Direct, Clear and Truthful communication with her. Don't throw people away because they struggle with something that hurt them in the past. Everyone has things like this, and its something people can and do grow through especially with the right attitude and support. Lastly, any relationship worth having, will be one where both parties are open to and willing to work and grow together with less or no judgement of eachother's "stuff". Real Love, can only exist in a state of complete acceptance. You only truly Love her, if you completely and utterly accept her with her "perceived" glitches. A great man helps a woman see her true value. Hope you find your truth. Blessings

It ultimately depends on the specific circumstances of the relationship and the individuals involved.In general, it can be beneficial to work through differences and try to find common ground, but if the differences are causing harm or are unsolvable, it may be best to end the relationship it is important to consider the needs and well-being of both partners in any decisions related to the relationship.

I have been married for 18 years and I will be the first to say that it has been a challenge there were times that we both thought it would be better if we were divorced but the reality of life is that marriage is one of the best relationships we can have, and all though it has some challenges along the way does not mean to just give up.

Some of the challenges we think we are having with our spouse can sometimes reveal something that we need to work on within ourselves.
There are several things you can do to assist in moving forward beginning with realizing that you can't change her but you can acknowledge how she feels apologize and advise how you will do things differently in building trust. The responsibility of a man is great and can be challenging when his spouse is in a bad spot but remember it is only for a moment and your fight can make or break her.
As a husband, you should focus on building your wife up. if you know/think she has no self value it should be important for you to cover her in that area.
She needs to talk to someone about her feelings and not someone who will make it okay for her to continue the way she is going but in a way that will make her better and move on to see that you are the great man that she fell in love with.

If you have any more questions please give me a call.

Sometimes god let you suffer just to make you stronger and unbeaten
There is always something good behind something hurt,keep moving